| Monday, September 14th, 2009 |
| 6:13 pm |
Brick  Seven years  I sit in the dark all alone, with only my life and racing mind. |
| Friday, August 14th, 2009 |
| 1:38 am |
i sit here, waiting for you to change your mind. even though i know you wont. a hopeless dream is what i hold onto, most in the back of my mind and heart. It just leads me to distrust my instincts, when i know the impossible conflicts with the wishes of my own. sooo what do you do? when such an episode is brought upon you......i say smoke a blunt and take a few more drinks, because why not dig it deeper when its the only feeling that hasnt dissapeared in my life that is out of reason, impossible and unlikely in my mind but my heart still holds on too. what would you do? |
| Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 |
| 10:20 pm |
i thought time heals everything whoever is noted for saying this should be shot this is beyond frustrating |
| Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008 |
| 12:56 am |
i always have so much to say. but to little to write down. and kept written down. so fuck typing  i feel a bit like this sometimes. they were soo cute i couldnt help but take several pics |
| Saturday, March 1st, 2008 |
| 3:05 pm |
its been two months, and it feels like 2 years. things are turning around, and sobriety isnt soo bad. ive needed to start writing again because i miss it and i need to. i work at express now, which always makes me smile when i tell people. it has been rough dealing with all these emotions i put off for months, if not years. but im going to stay positive. keep my goals and dreams upfront and realize i can never reach them without being sober. the support of my friends and family is soo great, and im in debt to everyone whos helping me change my life drastically. |
| Sunday, December 9th, 2007 |
| 11:57 pm |
this could very well be my last entry in this journal for quite some time, if not my last altogether. ive realized the past 7 months have been an escape from reality, i have been supressing a part of my past that i must forgive myself for in order to make progress in my life. the drugs, alcohol and sex have been my getaway from something i can not getaway from but just push aside i feel with my new conselor and i will make even more progress. once i am relatively stable, school should not be such a challenge hopefully one day i will find a woman that i can comfort, spoil, reason with, and love. putting her wants above mine. until that day comes i will be working, on myself and at ruby tuesdays, waiting for her to stumble into my path. James you've tortured yourself enough James i forgive you i forgive you the leason has been learned move on James i forgive you p.s. hope you and your family have a great christmas, and healthy years to come im sorry and thank you Beth with love, James |
| Saturday, November 3rd, 2007 |
| 2:15 pm |
lallalalalalalalalalala im stuck in providence lalallalalaa i needto go to work i finally got diagnosed with ADHD it only took them 19 years |
| Saturday, October 27th, 2007 |
| 7:16 am |
tonight i was an idiot i deserve what happened even though it wasnt right |
| Wednesday, August 15th, 2007 |
| 9:45 am |
i woke up this morning and looked around and noticed i was alone this feeling has been creeping into my head more and more lately |
| Tuesday, July 10th, 2007 |
| 9:29 am |
31 days life to go quit ex, coke, robotossins and triple c's weed, beer and shrooms are where it is at all natural baby |
| 9:24 am |
a 16 year old girl that i met and dated left me for coke what a good feeling huh she is fucking 72 pounds and is balimic...now turned coke head i pick the winners huh ahhhh im finally got my shit together and ready for a girl this is what i got myself into fucking RETARD work is gonna help me out working in the cape today...means beacch after with a 30 rack with my booyy henry aaahhhh how nice k thought i might write something before i have to go to the cape |
| Saturday, June 9th, 2007 |
| 3:08 pm |
this is where they die dig a ditch and bury the...... try to tell me no because ive already mad eup my mind get out get out of my face red dawg and x all i need bbby |
| Saturday, May 12th, 2007 |
| 12:51 pm |
I cAnt wait to go hoMe for the summer And chill with the boys and party just like last summer. the resssz isnt even ready For us this yeAr Guys,no one can fucking understand how pumped i am to get farther away. |
| Monday, April 23rd, 2007 |
| 12:13 am |
see you next tuesday "you jerk" |
| Thursday, March 22nd, 2007 |
| 1:31 am |
o0o and im sorry sometimes i do stupid things when i get fucked up we all make mistakes soo i prbably made an ass of myself im sorry...im the idiot |
| Saturday, March 17th, 2007 |
| 11:51 am |
fuck this i cant go one day without something fucking bringing me down like when i say down i mean right to the ground its fucking st patties day baby and i dont even want to get drunk because im fucking worried this sucks p.s. does neone have a time machine cause i want to use it today im maddd bored |
| Tuesday, December 19th, 2006 |
| 2:46 pm |
here are things that i dislike (* means i pretty much hate the thing) when people let their ice cream melt first before they eat it any fruit that tastes good but people think they are better dried out (raisins) when old shoes smell so bad u have to throw them out smart people without common sense country music annoying fat girls* getting sick not being to help with a problem* losing friends starting a story and getting interupted* when i hold in shit that i should just say losing at ruit.....and pretty much any game i get into. finding my hair everywhere bad pictures people who dont give things or people second chances my eyes and nose noobs at shows woman or girls who get abortions******************************* ***** (they are murders in my eyes) taking the easy way out of things danielle from salem state (she is what i would call a cunt.....an absolute 2 faced cunt) waking up in the winter because all the blankets are off me the taste of mushrooms and beans ETC....to be continued |
| Monday, December 11th, 2006 |
| 12:44 am |
this afteroon i sat against a rock in the backyard looking at the hill the sun is hidden behind the trees but I know where it is in the sky because the shadow from the trees the shadow of the rocks the sun god cant be seen but when you look at the good deeds small little miracles told in storys by passerbys you know he is present and where he is coming from the devil shows up on the evening news you cant look him in the eyes but with genocide fills poor countries poverty which comsumes my own love takes your breath away breaks out in laughter the smiles you cant see love you just know it exists from the direstion the shadow points It leads one to believe that they exist but always questioning what exactly does the thing casting the shadow actually look like when all you need to know is that it is more powerful then the shadow itself |
| Wednesday, December 6th, 2006 |
| 2:01 pm |
these are things that make me smile holding hands with someone that has a smaller hand then mine sun peeking through tree lines birds taking dirt baths running my hands through hair hugging loved ones....and actually both holding on like you both dont want to let go holding my hand out when it snows and watching snowflakes land on my hand listening to good breakdowns driving around with my boys smoking and listening to music watching little kids play and smile listening to jokes but watching others laugh at them feeling loved the excitement i get at shows looking someone straight in the eyes and being sucked into there own land pitching hearing really good quotes watching movies that are out of the ordinary and thinking about them after trying so hard for something and actually getting it wearing neew clothes smoke a cig and look down long roads twist and pull my hair wearing old shoes that have molded to my feet playing cards with my mem and pep ....to be continued |
| 1:10 am |
i just wanted tonight to go her way one month then i wanted one thing to go my way and it didnt happen i hate when this happens its upseting like making a cake when the person is allergic to eggs ahhhhhh upseting now i cant sleep she is lying in a very comfortable bed waiting for me to cuddle and keep her warm but im not tired my mind is still wandering please just stop she is waiting just go and close your eyes and let sleep take you away james just let her and sleep, take you away Current Mood: upset |
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